Thousands Upon Thousands.

Well since my last post I never came back to this place to post anything.  I was quite disappointed in myself for not doing so and yet every time I began to thing about writing I allowed myself to be sidetracked.  I did anything from cleaning the house to watering the garden to sitting and watching movies or keeping up with news and politics.  Another way I side tracked myself was by taking pictures and working on a website for which to make public some of my work.  I felt like a failure for a bit. And then I remembered the old saying that a picture is worth a thousand words and even though I've not written in awhile, I am still creative even in the ways I distract myself from being so.

As such, I present to the world (or at least anyone who comes to this site and clicks the following link) thousands upon thousands of words. Joni Lawler Photography. Enjoy and share and let me know what you think.

One Rabbit Turd.

I'm all bound up again.  I have creative constipation.  I have been afflicted with it again now for a good month at least.  I've come to this blog as my toilet several times in the past month to try to defecate some of it, but as often happens when one is physically constipated- I push with all my might; I break into a cold sweat; I take a deep breath and push some more.  I am rewarded with not even so much as a rabbit turd to show for my efforts.  And like physical constipation, I am bloated with crap and I am in pain.

I do not wish to bore anyone including myself with the mundane... and I feel that without being able to take a creative crap... Mundane is all I am becoming.

PTPTPTPTPPTTTTTT!   Oh MY looking up at the above text I realized what I just made!  A freakin' rabbit turd!   I suppose this is progress.

As someone with IBS, my cycle of constipation is usually followed by a cycle of explosive diarrhea and all it takes is that one "rabbit turd" to get it started.

TMI??

I don't care... I feel a little better and that is all that matters.

Return to Reality.

Vacation was wonderful.  We did everything we wanted to do. We relaxed, ate very well, and had a ton of fun.  Pictures and more details will come later.  Best of all, we were ready to come home when it was time to.

Except now, I'm back to reality... and boy has it ever slapped me in the face.
I thought I left the house in decent shape and would come home to it being in good shape, but dang I guess not... I was so disappointed when I came home last night to see so much to clean.  What was the point of me going through the trouble of cleaning it up the day before we left? Perhaps I've just gotten so used to being in immaculate conditions that I can't stand the mess, that my family and I would call clean enough, anymore.
This morning when I looked outside the garden and patio was completely overrun with weeds!  UGH UGH... months of work thrown out the window.

I wan't reality to kiss my rear end.  And so... I don't know what else to do... but complain about it for a minute, look at it in disgust, realize I do have the power to change reality, and do just that.

To-do/ Ta-da (The Eleventh Hour Panic)

I leave tomorrow to go to my mom's so we can take the kids on vacation to Branson, MO.  To be vague things are vamping up to be a very very busy summer and I'll be pretty much on my own with the kids. And so today, I'll be focusing on preparation.  A ton of laundry needs to be done especially when my sons come back from their dad's today.  The house needs cleaned good.  I need to buy cat food.  I have to get my tire fixed, I have to pack, not to mention make meals.

I also need to get to Ankeny between now and go time to get some of the T-shirts I've made up. Some very good friends of mine that have a Tattoo shop and wants to sell them there for me.  :) I'm pretty excited about the prospect of going into business for myself.  I plan to concentrate on the T-shirt thing hard while I'm "playing independent".  It will keep me creative and busy and that will be the best thing for me while I'm on my own with the kids this summer.

So I can keep my head cool and clear over the next few days I'm going to use a good mental tool for getting things done that I learned about from a forum on a site called Stepping out of Squalor.  I'll make a  "to-do" list of 5 things.  Do them, take a break, mark them as "ta-da" then add 5 more "to-dos" etc., until every "to do" is a "ta-da".  Seems to keep me from feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done when I make the list.

So yeah, this particular post isn't so much a great read, nor is it insightful really.  But it's getting me started on what I need to do and where I need to go for the next few days.    Hopefully tomorrow I will have a huge list of "Ta-das" and will be ready to relax and have fun on vacation!

Day 2

And there it is again... that blank box.

I am not sure how often I will be updating this blog.  As I said before, I am not sure what I plan to do with this.  I do know this much... I've put writing off for the last 2 hours that I have been awake.
I thought my morning white chocolate caramel latte would put me in the mood but maybe I still haven't had enough sleep or enough coffee.  A quick Keurig break should remedy this situation... be right back.
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Aaaaand I'm back.  Still blank.  No wait let's start over.

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I woke, grabbed my electronic cigarette and a cup of coffee and stepped outside onto my back patio with my Mac in hand to "gather my thoughts" and "clear my head".  I started off browsing Facebook and then looked around on hotels.com to find a decent place to stay when I take the kids out of town for a concert next month.  Honestly though I was kind of half heartedly looking to no avail for some inspiration of what to write about today.  I gave up looked away from the computer and took in my surroundings.   What I really noticed was something that once had filled me full of pride but has me a bit disappointed now.

You see, I started a garden earlier this spring, partially as a new hobby, and  to save money eating healthier. It started out beautifully, and my family and I have already enjoyed a lot of it's fruit. We've eaten from it pretty much till we can't stand eating anymore.  Now, only being half way into June, it's overgrown.  Flowers have bloomed on my broccoli plants rendering it not as tasty.  My Lettuce (which I've used so far but just planted too much at once, is 3 ft tall.  My peas (waist of time) turned out to only yield about a cans worth of a crop. my strawberry plants which only gave me about about a pound of strawberries are brown and dying (note to self- topsy turvy will kill strawberries) .  Nothing has even come of my cauliflower except a tiny head on one.  These are all plant's I've never had any experience with before, and I've taken time every day  to take care of them all, but it looks that some of my garden has gotten out of hand.  Once again, as usual with anything new I do, I am in over my head it seems.


On the bright side though the crops I do have experience with are doing beautifully. I can hardly wait for the green beans, tomatoes, peppers, and onions to finish doing their thing!  Of course these are veggies that I actually will and do enjoy and use in cooking often.  I believe I will truly see the true "fruits of my labor" when they are ready to be harvested and I won't be quite as discouraged as I've become with the others that are beyond ready to pick.

I've decide today I am harvesting everything I can, I will plan on using some of it for supper in the

next day or two... perhaps cut the stems and pieces of broccoli and make a cheese soup with it, and freeze the rest.  I'll wash the lettuce and bag it up in hopes that it will get eaten in the next week or so. (if it's not too awfully bitter that is).  We'll have a small side of peas with supper tonight.  I can not stand to just admit defeat and throw any of it away until it's truly rotten. 

Who knew there would be a philosophical and psychological lesson for me to have learned in working my garden so far?  When I look at what it's become, and what needs to be done with it, I see Me.

My Toilet, My Trashcan, My Sorting Bin, and My Display Case

So here I am as many maiden bloggers have done staring at a blank text box for which a supposed blog is purposed.  I imagine every new blogger and perhaps some experienced ones have that same intimidated feeling when beginning to write without much of an idea of what to write about.

My problem is that I have so many ideas that I am not sure where to go with it... you see... I'm a bit of a hoarder.  Not exactly a full blown physical hoarder, although in some areas of my home one might think it's so, but more so an idea hoarder.  I get an idea.  I begin using it, and before total fruition, I drop it and store it, or collect it in an un-organized manner.  Now I have so many thoughts and ideas stored away, piled up, and strewn about that I feel like my head space has me immobilized, like a home you'd see on an episode of Hoarders.

 I used to blog regularly years ago, but my life was different and I blogged for different reasons then...The internet was different then! Back then we didn't have all the social networks we have now and I used a blog as a means of connecting socially with my friends.  It was my Facebook, Myspace, Google + or Twitter. As those sites popped up I found myself gravitating toward their pull because, that was where my friends are.  

The problem was that I lost my drive to just write. and writing even if for social reasons was one of the things that helped me keep my mind from getting too cluttered.  But now LOOK AT THIS MESS!  I don't even know if anything I have said thus far makes any sense whatsoever!  I'm sure that grammatically it's a travesty, and bad grammar is a huge pet peeve of mine.  This is usually a reason I throw out to keep myself from actually writing anything at all... (Everything I have in my head is crap and nobody will be interested in crap)...Which brings me around to the point of this blog in the first place.  

Yet, I beg to differ on my argument with myself that everything in my head is crap.  If it was all crap why would I feel the need to keep any of it?  Some of what is in my head are real gems and deserve to be displayed proudly.

I hearby dub this blog my toilet, my trashcan, my sorting bin and my display case.  If you are curious enough to join me in my voyage in decluttering my life then feel free to read along.

Testing Testing..

The last time I used Blogger- blogspot- google blog- whatever it is they call it these days was in 2004.

Today, I re-read and saved some personally meaningful posts to a wordpad document and then deleted them all from public view. I am starting anew. My life is way different than it was then not necessarily better but different. I'm older. Although it was nice visiting my old self via the old posts that were here, I think that it is time for an updated version of this blog.